It returns..

Is had been a long time since the darkness had overcome his personality, but he could feel it coming on. The snide remarks by backstabbing co-workers and callous emails to managers reporting "inappropriate" behaviour had pushed him over the edge.

The behaviour was anything but different. He said the word "fuck" at his desk. And since he, and all the managers, got the email singling him out, he had heard at least 8 other people say the same word a number of times within 20 minutes.

But he knew what was happening now - the darkness of the mania had started to creep in. Whispering in his ear to silence the backstabber forever with an ironic killing. Stab him in the back - literally. Pummel his back with knife strikes until the dirty, horrid personality has left this world.

But no, that would be too poetic. Too easy to read into. Too soon after the email was sent. Too obviously revenge.

So other thoughts went through his mind. A house robbery gone wrong? A mugging gone awry? All these things happen day to day and no-one bats an eyelid.

Maybe a large amount of lime could get rid of the body, but how long could that take?

Work is calling, but he doesn't want to answer. The anger is too intense. Too focussed and is begging to be unleashed upon something.. Someone.

The darkness is warm, like a blanket of nettles.

How can something that is so comforting be so painful to endure...?



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A sunny day outside, but cloudy in my mind.

I'm spending my day at work today battling with a small rage that is simmering just below the surface of me. I hope that writing about it will either cool it off, or locate the cause(s) of the problem. Or both.

It started as soon as I got to work this morning. Yes, yes, I know I said I was going to be getting another job, but what with the economic downturn that the world has faced lately, I figured its best that I wait until after the new year and then attack the situation head on.

Obviously my issue is work-related. It certainly isn't anything at home. I actually mentioned last night to fuckdoll that its such a good feeling to be able to sit at home or in a cafe, and know that there isn't a single secret that I keep from her. Its something that in previous years, I would have had to deal with on a 24/7 basis.

The reason for that happening then was that I had to lead a second, secret life in order to get all the desires I had fulfilled (not just sexual ones). But the obvious flipside to that happening was that I had to spend all the rest of my time working out way to afford the time and money involved in running my alter ego.

Its so good now that I have everything that I need at home with my fuckdoll. Its certainly causing me to be a lot more relaxed about life.

So, back on track, what is it that I am so frustrated about? Well, there's only two things I can think of.

Firstly, I'm frustrated with myself that I've been employed by this company for 20% of my life, and I've got precisely nowhere.

Secondly, I'm frustrated with the company that I've been employed by it for 20% of my life, and I've got precisely nowhere.

Its just something that, unfortunately I inflict on you readers until I get myself into a job that doesn't feel like work all the fucking time.

Or at least somewhere that doesn't make me want to cut my wrists just to escape the downtrodden level of pondscum that I am here.

Mood status - zero. A neutral mood cos I'm in work. Ask me when I'm not here and the number will go up. When I'm here, the shitty factor brings me crashing back down to zero.

Arse.


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Hands up, who's a dumbass? :P

I wonder sometimes if its me. I seem the common denominator when it comes to people being annoying. I'M always the one that's annoyed. Could it be, perhaps, that I just don't suffer fools gladly.

What a stupid phrase. To "suffer fools gladly". Who the fuck does? And how can you gladly suffer something. Unless of course you are a masochist. But you'd have to be one who seriously into really fucked up treatment, you know, to actually want a total moron to just hang around and annoy you.

I guess its just that people who are either horrendously inconsiderate or unfailingly idiotic just really push my buttons. I find myself witnessing the evidence of their dumbness and carefully considering what a tack hammer would look like hanging out the side of one of their temples.

But then I notice the multitude of websites around that poke fun at stupid actions of people, TV programs about stupid acts or stupid quotes of famous people (Mariah Carey's being one "when I look at a starving African child I get so mad.. I mean, I'd kill to be that thin").

So, I think to myself, if the world enjoys laughing at stupid people in society, where are the stupid people from? There are simply more dumb things done daily around the world than there seems to be dumb people.

The only conclusion I can come up with is that idiocy has got to the stupendously high levels that some dumb people don't know that they are dumb, and actively put themselves in the "normal" bracket in order to laugh at the other idiots around.

Maybe.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go lock myself out of my car, and then be run over by it. Or something.

Mood today: +2, feelin goooooood..


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