Pocket Rockets...

Its a sunny day where I am, and life feels good.. My old job let me leave early without penalty, so I've got a week to do whatever I feel like.

Pretty much, that's gonna be nothing.

But I do have to write about the other night that I and fuckdoll had. Firstly, we both enjoy playing poker - mainly texas hold'em online (I'm beginning to wipe the floor with the other users on Facebook's Zynga poker - who knows, we may have played a hand together!). Sometimes, we play 5 card draw poker at a friend's place.. Its a small $20 buy in and maximum $2 bets, nothing major.

The only thing that can sometimes annoy the crap out of me when playing online facebook poker is that, because its not real money, you can get idiots on there that just go "all in" for every hand. That kind of play is just irritating.

That's the good thing about playing for money with friends - people respect the bets, and bluffs work.

Until the other night.

Two of the usual guys brought their other halfs with them, and the only other time that we've played with newbies resulted in me losing all smiles as well as my $20 buy in. But, we agreed.

Not only did the girls (not fuckdoll, she's one of the guys for such an event) not pay for their own buy ins, but they were constantly showing their hands to the people that had folded next to them and getting constant help. One of them consistantly got good hands too. Which is cool. But I figured I'd break her flow a little with a bluff hand, constantly raising.. Of course, the chips didn't represent her money, and the action of a bluff meant nothing to her and she just kept upping it. I had an OK hand, so I went for it, again, she took me, but only with a slightly better two pair.

Then she played a bit dumb and gloated a tiny but. That was the end of smiles from me.

Fuckdoll wasn't happy, I tried my hardest to explain that to lose at, say, Blackjack is fine. Because its a set of rules. To lose at poker partly from hands and partly from bluffs is also fine, because the other players understand what the sudden raise could mean (it could be an awesome hand, or a total fake. But to lose to someone without that other person understanding anything that just happened drives me insane.

I just have a bit of an anger issue really, I did control it to the point of not shouting at them or saying something I'd regret, but, I have decided never to play with new-starters again. Its just too much stress - and I need to lower my stress levels so I don't explode...

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I can't even spell zzzzz... Never mind say it.

I lie in bed. Awake. Its seven am, and my eyes have been open for 4 hours already.

Fucking brain, waking up packed full of alpha waves.

Thoughts fly into my head and out the other side. Some with intense processing, others without so much as a cursory glance.

I feel today is a day where I may only be physically part of the world of the living. I function. I operate. I engage in conversation.

But I am not here.

I'm not anywhere.

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Ladies, Gentlemen, Kinksters around the world...

I. Have. A. New. Job.

Oh, fuck, yessssssss...

I start in a couple of weeks, with better conditions, a better firm, office hours and nearer to home. And I now get weekends to myself..

I

Love

Life

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Empty wallets, fast cars, holidays to Europe and wanting more time in a day.

Just a little update on how things are going so far:

A few things have happened since my last update. First up, I've started applying for some jobs to progress my current position away from the company in which I work. Things are going well there, I've had a couple of interviews for one job, and another is showing interest in me going to them. That one pays AU$5k more a year than the first one, and the work seems more interesting to me, hopefully I'll be able to succeed and get that job. It'd certainly help with paying off loans and having money left over to, you know, survive with afterwards!

In other news, I'm going to be selling my motorbike in the next couple of days. I bought a targa-top red sports car a few days back, as shopping with the bike was proving to be rather difficult. Also, we where having to take cabs to regular fetish parties we attend, meaning more expenditure on something avoidable. As well as that, I now down get shit-wet through when it rains and don't arrive at places with helmet hair. Win!

Fuckdoll is certainly enjoying the car and, secretly, I know that she prefers it over the bike (which she also enjoyed).

Meanwhile, I've been lolling around (like today) with no money as my cashflow has a nice big blockage in it - this should be rectified once the bike is sold, but it kills me to not have cash for simple things.

It reminds me of being younger, when I didn't have any money of my own.

I really just want to get on top of things again, and have some surplus cash left over so that I can get back into stock and fund investments. I really want to provide more for fuckdoll so she doesn't have to push herself at work when she doesn't feel like it.

I guess its a throwback to my knowledge of her previous partner (who, strangely, had the exact same name as myself). He worked in a high-paying job and had the nice apartment and car and disposable income so she didn't need to work (from what I've worked out). And, as much as it shouldn't, I feel a little inferior at times to that.

I know I really shouldn't - as she's pointed out to me, if she just wanted money, she'd still be with him. Which is a good point, I know. But I still have a slight inferiority complex on occasion, about a number of things (all stemming back, in a Freudian way, to my childhood).

It happenned again yesterday. We were heading home in the car. Roof off, music playing. And a guy I recognise from nearby to where we live was infront of us in his bright yellow convertable lamborghini. I know that he's overweight. I know that he wears a hat to cover his bald head. And I know that he's in the last throws of a midlife crisis. But yet I still feel inferior because he has more money than I do.

Which is something, I think, stems to men's magazines. I don't mean porn mags, I mean Men's Health and the like. There was one issue, I recall, that suggested some clothes to wear to the gym, then to the office and then to drinks afterwards. Now, the things they listed added up to over $5000. For one fucking day. I mean, fuck, are they serious?!

But I know men DO have that level of disposable income. And it makes me cringe. I wish I had the money to afford it (not that I would be that stupid to buy in that manner), but I would like to be able to do it if I so wished. I wish I could afford flights back to England for myself and fuckdoll for a holiday.

Ultimately, I wish I could be self employed, trading stocks (that I know all too well) and working from home.

But the reason for all that isn't just because I want a lot of money. I just wish I could spend more time with my partner for life.

I love you baby.


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A small rant about politics, laws and whacking off on the internet.

I sit on the sofa hearing the footsteps of my neighbours that share the apartment block with me outside, going about their business. There are only six apartments in the building and yet I don't really know a thing about them. I park my motorcycle next to a red Mazda practically everyday, yet I've never seen who the person is that drives it. Which means, by definition, that they have most likely never seen me arrive or pull away of a vehicle that has, for a number of months, defined me to other road users.

We all work within companies, whether we are employed there or are owners of them ourselves. Yet we all love and hate customers. Those customers that are, again by definition, ourselves. We are a customer more times in our existence than we are behind the counter. Yet we still become intolerant to their needs. Well, I've been known to anyway.

I manage, just like the rest of society, to demand freedom in my life. But I still panic and check my speed when there's a police car nearby. I see myself as a liberal-thinker in everything, and want people to do as they wish as long as they don't break the law. But I know that me saying that is totally fruitless.

I have spent the last few hours since dropping fuckdoll off at work, expanding my mind. Not through chemicals or such. But through documentaries and comedians that push boundaries. I like to do this from time to time to make me remember that I am alive. That I am not a sheep or worker ant to be dictated to by the mainstream, by the self-righteous or by the "norms" of society.

Yet, it seems that I am not as in control as I perceived.

We can all, as members of the world society, condem governments that controls its people through government-controlled news and restricted access to the internet (for example). But I think the only thing that the government is guilty of (in the eyes of it's peers) is bad PR.

The Australian government has recently, and quietly I might add, passed a law to restrict it's people's access to websites that it deems "unsuitable for classification". The standard list includes child pornography (of which, I am so overtly against in any form - the people who do such things should be drawn and quartered), and drug use (amongst other things that people wouldn't look for and then suddenly be offended by what they find).

Now, I'm not usually a political person in such an open forum, but I truly believe that I don't need to be saved by a bunch of limp-wristed pricks in government. This is also the same country that declared the small area that the government meet in as a different state to the rest of the country. And then they allow things in that area for the politicians that aren't allowed elsewhere (certain levels of pornography, fireworks etc). So, the politicians are allowed to see magazine racks full of articles about wearing rubber stockings while being flogged but I can't view information on the price of dope in another country? Or potentially be unable to watch something on an SM site?

Why?

Is it because, perhaps, they are so hell-bent in their own religious faith that they think that they are going to go to hell because they fucked their secretary up the ass over the office desk? Or maybe they feel bad that they don't have the spine to crack down upon all the priests and vicars that abuse alterboys right after holding the sunday mass that the politician attends with their families? Maybe if they save 20 million, hard-working, free-thinking Australians from having the chance to masturbate over a consenting adult engaging in a sexual act with another consenting adult then they will have their chance at the pearly gates?

Which brings me to stupid laws surrounding BDSM in this country. Who here thinks that SM is perfectly acceptable between adults that enjoy it? Come on, raise your free hands!

The courts in this country actually say it's not. They say that sex needs to be between CONSENTING and SANE adults. Yet they also say that no sane person can consent to an act that will cause them discomfort or pain. Yep, that's right.. If you are an Australian masochist, your government has declared that you are insane.

Wow.

A rather sweeping declaration from a group of people that, by their very nature also indulge in a bit of slap and tickle and lewd behaviour at the best of times.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to climb off my soap box and do what nature wanted me to do with my life - whatever I fucking want (as long as I don't break any laws).

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Happy New Year, ya dirty buggers!

Just wanted to say a very happy new year to all my readers and all the best for 2010 (I won't wish a year of complete blissful happiness, because with sad times, the happy times aren't as fulfilling).

My write up of the NYE fetish party we attended will follow shortly, once my hangover goes away!

Much love,

Me and fuckdoll x

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