Fuck you! It’s been a while since I posted a blog update. So what? What are you gonna do about it???
Ok, perhaps I should explain that start. I was up last night, unable to get to sleep for quite some time while fdoll slept away next to me in bed. So, I thought, why don’t I do a blog update? So I tried and it was the biggest pile of typed shit I’ve ever spat out. Literally 5-6 full paragraphs on how I always seem to start a blog update with “sorry for the break in updates” or “it’s been a while”. I was trying to work out through all those paragraphs the reasons on why I have such breaks in communications from time to time (ok, most of the time) and I think I started to get to a point – much like now – in that sometimes time just disappears for me. Almost like I go into a stasus (to use a sci-fi term) for a week here and there. For example, last week, the whole seven days seemed to occur within a 2 or 3 day period for me. Great on those occasions when you are really getting pissed off with how the week is going but, unfortunately, I don’t seem to have full control over it like that.
The month since our regular fetish party has basically passed and it’s happening again this Friday night. I’m looking forward to it as I always do, but I think I do need to explain a slight uncertainness I have for these nights lately. We started taking along a friend of ours (originally just a friend of fdoll’s) who isn’t really into the whole fetish scene. He doesn’t really get a lot of sexual action (to put it bluntly) and taking him to these events was meant to loosen him up and get him into a scene where people are more open about, well, getting some play. The problem is, from how I see it, is that he doesn’t really get involved in the whole thing, and doesn’t seem to want to understand the organization of the scene. I’ve tried, on a few occasions over meals at his house (one-on-one) to explain the Doms and subs, slaves, kinksters and all the other things that people get up to there, but he just doesn’t seem to want to understand it. I still have to sometimes interject and apologise on his behalf when he tries to tell a sub guy that he shouldn’t be kneeling on the floor near his Domme.
Now, the other thing with this is that I’m not sure if it’s just me that has the problem. You see, due to my nature (and BP) I don’t really drink very much. Usually 2 is my maximum, sometimes I don’t drink for a few weeks at all. I also stay well clear of party drugs of any kind – I don’t think that playing around with my brain chemistry is perhaps the best idea. So, usually, I’m the only sober one there. Perhaps this is why I feel the anguish that sometimes hits me at the party. The other problem is that doing this takes away my desire to fuck – which is a BAD thing on all counts.
This is, of course, assuming that he goes this week. Last couple of times he has complained that he’s tired and ends up frustrating fdoll because she wants him to come along. Although, he usually manages to then go out the following night on a bender that was already planned with other friends of his.
Hmmm. Maybe I just get shitty when things don’t go to plan in general. But I really want to have this Friday night as a bender myself. Not in the sense of being drunk, because that’s not my style. I just want to fuck the daylights out of fdoll in front of people, maybe have her suck or fuck someone else for my entertainment.. Maybe watch her dom another girl. The problem is, none of those things can happen for me with this other friend around.
Fdoll will most probably read this and say that I shouldn’t worry so much, this friend has “done so many other things already” etc etc. But I guess this is just how I am. I want him to have a good time, and if that good time happens at the fetish party – great.. I just have issues with having to break his ass to make him go and then spend the evening as a chaperone for him in a fetish world – he has even said a few times that he expects me to keep him safe and in line. Not sure if it was a joke, it may have been, but it ends up being true when he gets totally hammered.
I feel the need to insert a question at this juncture. Something to re-assure me into understanding that I can still go to the party with him in tow and not have it affect me in any way. But I just don’t know what question will achieve that – whether it be an actual question or just rhetorical.
I think I’ll end with a statement more than anything else. If he pulls out this Friday, I’m going to try and make sure that fdoll doesn’t pressure him to go. He’s a big boy, and if he doesn’t want to go to a place where he can have fun, then I refuse to put a downer on the night (or subsequent fetish parties) from him being a big baby about it.
(no doubt that’ll get fdoll annoyed – certainly not my intention, but I just can’t have our fetish fuckathon parties messed up anymore. They are something I really look forward to, but the sheen has been taken off slightly due to dragging along someone who’s not a kinkster into a kinky world)
