I've just dropped fdoll off at work and have decided to treat myself to breakfast at a cafe near to home. I've chosen a different one to the usual cafe we frequent simply because I think that I want to relax this morning, and the other cafe always seems to be filled with unruly children and mothers who haven't the faintest idea of what their spawn are getting up to. Its usually loud and full, especially on the weekend. Also seems rather overpriced too. Shit, why do we go there at all? Haha.
The one I'm in now is nice and relaxed. There are mature conversations happening around me, and I can't hear a screaming child anywhere. Bliss.
On friday night, we went to our monthly SM party with a friend (and coworker of fdoll) and had a great night. Normally, I would have taken fdoll upstairs to a playroom (I think there was even a between-the-lines offer to be joined by our friend too), but nerves again got the better of me and I chickened out from public play. I really do need to get over this shit.
I think that the main reason that I'm still a little nervous in public is that I sometimes feel that I'm completely out of my depth around such developed practitioners of kink. Also, to me, sexual gratification is such a massive part of play that I feel different to most. I get told from time to time that not all SM play needs to end up in sex - but, for me, SM is the foreplay and should then turn into a good, rough fuck. Anything else is just tease.
Just to clarify, tease can be fun. In a playful kinda way. But, to me, too much teasing makes me start to just get grumpy.
Watching people play at the party sometimes makes me a little confused. For example, one girl was getting her ass spanked for a good 10-15mins. She was clearly enjoying it, and looked ready to get the living crap fucked out of her. She was giving the eye (during the spanking) to a number of guys (myself included) yet, at the end she just grinned and walked away without dragging one of the aformentioned guys with her. Maybe you guys can help me out with comments on this post? Do you find that you can just play in SM without sexual gratification during/afterwards? Either way (yes or no) what are your thoughts on it?
I've just thought of something else, is (perhaps) rough sex looked as a stepping stone for SM'ers to the caning and 'proper' SM world? I know of one Mistress that doesn't seem to ever have sex with the partners she plays with. Does that mean that she has attained a level of consciousness where she no longer requires a fucking? Or is it just that she's forgotten how good sex can be? What do you guys think?
Perhaps I don't play with fdoll in public that much because I somehow feel like I'm still a newbie in the scene because I still enjoy ramming my cock in her?
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emails are welcome:
erratic.seasons@gmail.com
I am with you on this one. If I play, I want sexual gratification. It is a big reason I don't participate in "the scene" even though, being in New York city puts me smack in the middle of what must be one of the larger BDSM scenes in the United States. I have been to a SM club here once and the situation you describe was exactly the problem...got some great nipple play and then, of course, nothing (I knew that was going to be the case. There is no sex allowed in the clubs here in the US, at least the legal ones. I don't know what it is like in Australia, don't know if it is a less puritanical nation. I digress). It sucked. I was all revved up sexually and had no outlet. Not what I call a good time. It is why I always describe myself as a sexual submissive. So honestly, for that reason, public play does nothing for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is a question of higher level of, or proper BDSM play, or, for that matter, being a newbie. I never go in for there being a "right" or "true" way to do BDSM. It all comes down to what makes you and fdoll ,or if there are more people at any particular time, happy.
We all do what we like. If I may give an example, I have read your's and fdoll's blogs extensively, and you guys are decidedly into some types of play (breath play, knives etc) that just are not even remotely on my radar. Does that mean that you two are higher lever? I don't think so, though some may disagree with me. My point is that you two do those things because you enjoy them, and I am sure there are other types of play that you don't do because you don't like them (being general here). Same thing with the incorporation of sex into play. Some people want sex with the BDSM play others not (some people want ice cream with a slice of apple pie, others just want the pie). You enjoy, and want sex to be part of the play, other people do not. So what. My feeling is don't get caught up in the who is more this or that. It is your sex life, do what feels good to you. Different strokes for different folks, as they say (or at least we say that in the States).
Might at some later date you want to play without sex...sure. But why rush to get somewhere (and it is also possible that you may always want sex with BDSM play) and not enjoy the hear and now.
Sorry that was long. I would say that is just my 2 cents, but that is at least a dime's worth of words.
CN
Well said CN. I'm always trying to reassure Master that what makes us happy is the only way.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to me I guess I like both. I'm an exhibitionist and love to be played in public, and at the same time also love to get the shit fucked out of me, public or otherwise. Heehee.
I think it takes a while being around "the scene" to know what to take seriously and what to just let pass you by. When I first started going to parties I thought everyone was super experienced and so much better than me. Once I got my own confidence I realise they are all just people like me. Some might have more rope skills or flogger skills(chicks dig skills) or whatever but they are definitely no better, they are just people.
Master, I know you will eventually be more than comfortable in this new world. Soon your dominance in private will translate to the public too, in whatever way pleases you. Remember you are in control. <3