A few things have happened since my last update. First up, I've started applying for some jobs to progress my current position away from the company in which I work. Things are going well there, I've had a couple of interviews for one job, and another is showing interest in me going to them. That one pays AU$5k more a year than the first one, and the work seems more interesting to me, hopefully I'll be able to succeed and get that job. It'd certainly help with paying off loans and having money left over to, you know, survive with afterwards!
In other news, I'm going to be selling my motorbike in the next couple of days. I bought a targa-top red sports car a few days back, as shopping with the bike was proving to be rather difficult. Also, we where having to take cabs to regular fetish parties we attend, meaning more expenditure on something avoidable. As well as that, I now down get shit-wet through when it rains and don't arrive at places with helmet hair. Win!
Fuckdoll is certainly enjoying the car and, secretly, I know that she prefers it over the bike (which she also enjoyed).
Meanwhile, I've been lolling around (like today) with no money as my cashflow has a nice big blockage in it - this should be rectified once the bike is sold, but it kills me to not have cash for simple things.
It reminds me of being younger, when I didn't have any money of my own.
I really just want to get on top of things again, and have some surplus cash left over so that I can get back into stock and fund investments. I really want to provide more for fuckdoll so she doesn't have to push herself at work when she doesn't feel like it.
I guess its a throwback to my knowledge of her previous partner (who, strangely, had the exact same name as myself). He worked in a high-paying job and had the nice apartment and car and disposable income so she didn't need to work (from what I've worked out). And, as much as it shouldn't, I feel a little inferior at times to that.
I know I really shouldn't - as she's pointed out to me, if she just wanted money, she'd still be with him. Which is a good point, I know. But I still have a slight inferiority complex on occasion, about a number of things (all stemming back, in a Freudian way, to my childhood).
It happenned again yesterday. We were heading home in the car. Roof off, music playing. And a guy I recognise from nearby to where we live was infront of us in his bright yellow convertable lamborghini. I know that he's overweight. I know that he wears a hat to cover his bald head. And I know that he's in the last throws of a midlife crisis. But yet I still feel inferior because he has more money than I do.
Which is something, I think, stems to men's magazines. I don't mean porn mags, I mean Men's Health and the like. There was one issue, I recall, that suggested some clothes to wear to the gym, then to the office and then to drinks afterwards. Now, the things they listed added up to over $5000. For one fucking day. I mean, fuck, are they serious?!
But I know men DO have that level of disposable income. And it makes me cringe. I wish I had the money to afford it (not that I would be that stupid to buy in that manner), but I would like to be able to do it if I so wished. I wish I could afford flights back to England for myself and fuckdoll for a holiday.
Ultimately, I wish I could be self employed, trading stocks (that I know all too well) and working from home.
But the reason for all that isn't just because I want a lot of money. I just wish I could spend more time with my partner for life.
I love you baby.
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