$$$

Money.

Its said that it makes the world go around, although I'm sure physics professors would have something to say against that.

It does, however, make my world spin at the moment. And not in a good way.

I've got so many outgoings that my salary is practically 3/4 gone before the end of the first week of the pay month. And I have fuck all to show for it. The biggest killer of my funds has to be paying off a debt ran up by my ex. And this is meant to happen for another 4-4.5 years. Its just horrendous.

I think that money is causing most of my concerns lately. I have so many productive plans for my dollars - I'm proficient at stocktrading, for example - but I can never get enough capital to start investing. So that potential just sits there in front of me, mocking me. Watching that possible home-business sit there doing nothing is like watching a Miss Universe start abusing meth and getting a breast reduction. Its just torturous.

Doll has the occasional slow week due to the nature of her work, but her not having cash occasionally probably doesn't have the impact on me that she thinks it does. I mean, I'm not upset that she's a bit low on funds every so often, but I do get upset that I can't just throw some cash her way and replenish her cashflow.

I woke up feeling ok this morning, but thoughts with dollar signs in front of them started filling my head during the commute to work - and its taken my mood down again.

I started my usual stupid bipolar thought pattern - I could rob someone, I could win the lotto etc etc. Then I thought, I could jump off a building. But that's useless. None of those things are the answer to my problems.

The answer to my problem is to tighten up my proverbial belt, lessen outgoings. And after all that, start making a dent on saving up a starter amount of cash to trade with and invest.

I'm 30 in a matter of a few months - time to get my fucking life together.


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