It's been a while....

First up.. Sorry for the massive pause in updates. I've had so many things on my mind as of late that this has been placed on the back-burner as something to attend to later.

But I've realised that I need to vent to help me deal with the things going on in my life.

Primarily, I have made a decision: I need to leave my wife. I am not happy with my current situation there, and I know that I'm only staying to make her happy.

The side effect of that is that I'm getting more unhappy by the day. I've realised that I need to be free from constantly putting myself second to her. I know that its going to demolish her, and the thought of upsetting her, also upsets me. I do, after all, love her. But I'm no longer in love. I just don't feel that smile inside when I arrive home. I'm submissive in my role with her.

Not, you understand, in a S&M type way, but in a way that I just stop talking when she speaks. She has become a mother figure in my life, and that's just not right.

Then there's the sex. Or total lack of. You see, I need sex to be rough, with slapping, choking, whipping and degradation in there too. But she is a completely vanilla person. The effect of this is that I just can't become aroused by it.

So, even if I stayed, I'd have to do what I've done for all but the first year of our marriage - I'd have to cheat.

She doesn't need to hear that part from me, of course. But as much as I'm looking forward to the first day in which I truely feel free, I'm also (just as much) dreading the conversation that has to take place to get me there.

I've spoken to fuckdoll about everything, and we have both relised that we love each other. She is, certainly something that I've been searching for - loven honesty, security and the S&M thrown in too. I'd finally feel able to be in a relationship without the "need" to seek others out.

I'll let you know how it goes, but expect some pauses in updates for a while

Mark


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